From Rens Point of Veiw
by SecretEnvy
Summary: Some fluffy RenxJeanne OneShots from Ren's point of veiw :
1. Secrets

**Fandom: Shaman king**

**Genre: Romance**

**Couple: Ren x Jeanne**

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::POV Ren::

I'm not an affectionate person. Not one ounce of my body shows it. It's not that I don't want to; it's just that I can't.

I've spent all my life hiding everything I feel and turning it all to anger, but I can't do that now. It's 2am, and it's the only time I can show affection. When the person I love is in a deep, deep sleep next to me that's when I feel I can roll closer to her.

When I can run my fingers though her hair, or have them tangled up in her fingers. It's when I can softly kiss the back of her neck, without any judgement or questions.

I feel really warm, having my body mimic her position and have my hand follow the curves of her body, from her thin waist to her feminine hips. To be able to actually whisper the simple things I should be able to just say.

"I love you."

I want to be this comfortable with her always and forever, but for now I just have to deal with her being so asleep she won't even know how much I do care, and how much affection I do have.

Most nights I just wish I can feel her return it, but then that would mean her knowing I am affectionate. That would mean her knowing I'm vulnerable, just like everyone else.

If I'm honest, I just wish she would wake up… I just wish she would see me for who I am. I want her to see me weak… I want her to be weak with me. Because once we are finally able to be weak in front of each other then we can be strong together as Man and Wife.

Please, just wake up. Wake up and catch me being weak, before I have to wake you up and make me see who I am. Before I have to lose a little of my identity you fallen in love with and show you my true nature.

But, just for tonight let me stroke my foot against yours, let me listen to your breathing. Just for tonight, I'll go without judgement one last time.

You can always just wake up tomorrow night, but just for now… Just for now let my secret lie.

I love you, Jeanne.

My first story of some POV's of Ren Tao :3.


	2. Guilty Love

At 23 my life is everything anyone would want. Money, power, family, love, I have it all.

But, in all honesty, I'm not happy at all. It's not the situation I'm not happiness but it's this overwhelming feeling of guilt that suffocates me. All this joy, happiness and good fortune, it doesn't seem to be coming with any price and I just want something bad to happen to me to feel more balanced.

I don't understand why I can't just be happy with this life, I don't feel it can get any better but I just feel like everything I do is take and nothing takes from me.

This feeling of dreaded guilt seems to be taking over my whole body, even though I am not the cheeriest of people those close to me can see the happiness in my heart, but now… Now I feel they can see I'm unhappy and I'm afraid that if they do see it they'll think I'm unhappy with them.

This life is too good for me. All those people I've hurt and the very few I feel like I've helped, even if I did help someone a good percentage of it was either for self-gain reasons.

Am I being selfish with this life? I don't want to give it up and I don't want to get off my cloud 9 but I just feel that if something awful happened to me then I'd feel more at ease. I deserve misery and bad.

Maybe this is my misery; maybe this is the bad part of my life? To every action there is a reaction, to every good is a bad, maybe my bad is that I can't handle my good? And with every fortunate thing that happens to me another pebble of guilt built upon my head?

Why is it the things I adore most are the things that upset me more than anything?

When I look at my wife I don't think of it as how lucky I am to be married to her but rather how unfortunate she is to be married to me.

When I look at my son and think about how he has the good and pure blood of his mother running though his veins, then remember he has the unfortunate name of the Tao follow him though life.

If I never break this path of though I'll never be truly happy, this is my punishment to having such a good life. I will never allow myself to feel true happiness.

I will always be emotionally alone, even if I am surrounded by those I love and who love me, it'll still hurt for me to smile.

If only I wasn't so selfish, I would have left them to be happy without them, but I'll take 1000 years of these bad thoughts for just one minute in this situation.

The only reason I am sad is because I am too happy.

This is the fate of me, so happy… That... it just... hurts.


End file.
